theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im holly from the hills drunk
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
