i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
