So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
