Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
