dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
