I am puke
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
