how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
