Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
