if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
