You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
