i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
