garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
