Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
