I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
