A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
