I have demons in me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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