If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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