Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
