Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
