Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
