I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
