If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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