we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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