I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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