Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
