is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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