Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
