I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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