I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
