When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
