I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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