So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
