So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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