masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
