In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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