I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
