Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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