What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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