??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
