I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
