Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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