I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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