i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
