I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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