my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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