Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
