Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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