Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
