New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
