you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
