Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
