It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
