i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
