I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Shame is for Republicans.
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