cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize