i think i scared a bird with my dick
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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