I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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