its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
