I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
