Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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