You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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