i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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