i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
