just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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