new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
vagina is talking i cant
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
