Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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