Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize