I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
