I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
