Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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