The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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