You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
