Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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