why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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